I recently heard about a Pastor who was beating his wife because she cannot wake up to pray with him at his usual 2 am prayer time. This woman has to be up for work at 6 am. She has never had to wake up to pray at 2 am before she got married, and neither does she feel the burden to do so now. She wanted to leave the marriage because her husband's idea of a prayerful wife is not matching her own.
It seems to me that the husband is regretting marrying this fine lady because all his aspirations for her are turning pear shaped.
Did he want a wife or a prayer partner? Did she sign a contract to pray with him at all times he feels the leading to do so? Does he know that it is an abomination before God to force anyone to pray with you under duress much more so your spouse? Does he realise that his prayers do not even float to the roof of his house not to talk of going to heaven?
What makes these so called pastors think that they have the right to order their wives around? Do they have any idea what a help mate is? His wife was given to him to learn how to love like God does. God does not coerce anyone to do anything. He sticks by his decision to grant us the liberty to make our own choices and decisions. He loves us even when we do not make great choices and get into a rut. He is constantly helping us to get back on our feet with no hidden agenda to make him look good. As the song goes "he is the wind beneath our wings, the footsteps in the sand and the shadow behind our greatness". So knowing all this full well David a king of Israel coined my favourite phrase in the bible about a true lover. In referring to God he writes" Your gentleness has made me great". I see that in my husband every day and I thank God for that.
How many people can say that of their spouses? I do not say this to make anyone feel bad but as a challenge to myself included. Am I a gentle lover?Am I tolerant, patience, long suffering, encouraging, generous with my complements and affirmations, tough in my determination not to indulge in my spouses self pity, caring enough to understand his trials and challenges and empathetic enough to help him overcome them?
Well I have discovered that God's arms are open wide to me everyday and I have learnt and experienced on a daily basis the greatest unconditional love ever. So I draw from my experience with his love and endeavour to be likewise to those around me more so to my beloved husband. I do stumble a few times but my choice remains to get there, so daily I choose gentleness in my approach towards him. It feels pretty great when someone is gentle towards me so I would like to let my spouse experience that as well.
Why should it always be one sided? Marriage is a double edged sword. So let both sides experience the pain and the pleasure thereof.
So to the dear man who is using force to get his wife to do what he wants I encourage you to go back to your bible and study the life of the greatest lover. His words to the adulteress was "I do not condemn you", to the woman with the issue of blood, "your faith has made you well", to the blind man, "of course I am willing, be made whole" and to his father when praying for the church he says, "that your love may be in them so that they will know that you have loved them as you have loved me"
Love is the way forward. Love is not control. The best way to bring transformation of another is to transform yourself. You are a master of others to the extend of your mastery over self. So look inside. The so called rebellion you see in your spouse comes from your rebellion against the greatest principle and truth in the universe 'Love'.
Source: http://uimprogram.blogspot.co.uk/2014/09/to-have-and-to-hold.html